I look better un-naked...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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