at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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