we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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