Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
