drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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