Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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