i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize