i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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