Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
