ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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