Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
