Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize