and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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