i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
