Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize