go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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