He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
