I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
