Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
