i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The air was thick with penises
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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