Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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