It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize