the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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