I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
