Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize