What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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