i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
