Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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