I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
