They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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