It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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