We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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