That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
