we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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