Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
