Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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