i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
