I wish you could order shots online.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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