I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
