I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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