I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
