a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
