Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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