I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
