So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No subtext here. People are naked.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
