he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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