plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
