I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
