I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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