i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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