he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
