**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
