Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got inside last night via doggy door
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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