remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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