My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
