I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
