jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
