you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
