I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
