I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
