They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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