I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This girl is more easily done than said...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
