just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
