You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
