Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
