I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
