I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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