he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
