i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
