i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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