all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
