I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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