You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
