captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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