I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
