she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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