I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
