Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
