The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize