The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
