it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
