I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
