my vag is so smooth its legendary
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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