my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
