It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
