No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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