i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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