i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
