I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
