Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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