: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
