On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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