True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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