you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
