I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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