grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
