No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
