Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
