woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
