I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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