If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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