I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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