How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
