Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
