dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
