Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
